All of you know, I love to start my morning with a quote. Actually, the quote chooses me. Last week, this is the wisdom that jumped out at me:
“Change, when it comes, cracks everything open.” –Dorothy Allison
Have you ever taken a psych analysis? The form asks if you have undergone any of the following list of life changes and then gives a laundry list of events, such as marriage, household move, job change, etc. If completing form now, I could check almost every major life change within the last month. I am not complaining. I chose to make these changes…I just wasn’t prepared for the onslaught of emotions post decision time.
Now this is where the conversation gets dicey. When have I crossed the line and said too much on this blog? This used to be the place where I could vent and get constructive criticism for the chip on my shoulder. I thought by sharing my stories, others may learn from my mistakes and I could learn from the wisdom of others. I made myself vulnerable.
This isn’t to say I have never had filters. I have, but in the past month, I have had to reevaluate those filters and put tighter restrictions on myself. This was my choice. Thus the dark blog…taking time to reflect.
Ironic, but when I worked for the federal government I felt more free to discuss my personal and professional trials than I do now. Taking the gig with Radian6 made me realize how many filters already existed. I responded to hierarchy, intense structure and made every move in socmed space aware the military was already on shaky terms in the space and I wasn’t about to rock the boat…just push the edges.
I had to find who Lauren was beneath the filters and the layers I had built while serving the government to fulfill my new role…only to discover all the new filters I would need to layer on because of a space where people take advantage of vulnerability. Where learning is not valued, but considered a weakness. Where one is ripped apart by anonymous attacks and is helpless to defend self, because if we do…well, we know what happens. Where pariahs are waiting and assisting those who are at the top fall so they can tweet about the infamous #fail.
I work, live and breathe in social media. I wouldn’t trade this job for anything, but I have had to reflect and mature the past month about what I am willing to share and with whom. I am grateful for my experiences for they have molded me into who I am. For now, I remain under construction.
