Under Construction

All of you know, I love to start my morning with a quote. Actually, the quote chooses me. Last week, this is the wisdom that jumped out at me:

Change, when it comes, cracks everything open.” –Dorothy Allison

Have you ever taken a psych analysis? The form asks if you have undergone any of the following list of life changes and then gives a laundry list of events, such as marriage, household move, job change, etc. If completing form now, I could check almost every major life change within the last month. I am not complaining. I chose to make these changes…I just wasn’t prepared for the onslaught of emotions post decision time.

Now this is where the conversation gets dicey. When have I crossed the line and said too much on this blog? This used to be the place where I could vent and get constructive criticism for the chip on my shoulder. I thought by sharing my stories, others may learn from my mistakes and I could learn from the wisdom of others. I made myself vulnerable.

This isn’t to say I have never had filters. I have, but in the past month, I have had to reevaluate those filters and put tighter restrictions on myself. This was my choice. Thus the dark blog…taking time to reflect.

Ironic, but when I worked for the federal government I felt more free to discuss my personal and professional trials than I do now. Taking the gig with Radian6 made me realize how many filters already existed. I responded to hierarchy, intense structure and made every move in socmed space aware the military was already on shaky terms in the space and I wasn’t about to rock the boat…just push the edges.

I had to find who Lauren was beneath the filters and the layers I had built while serving the government to fulfill my new role…only to discover all the new filters I would need to layer on because of a space where people take advantage of vulnerability. Where learning is not valued, but considered a weakness. Where one is ripped apart by anonymous attacks and is helpless to defend self, because if we do…well, we know what happens. Where pariahs are waiting and assisting those who are at the top fall so they can tweet about the infamous #fail.

I work, live and breathe in social media. I wouldn’t trade this job for anything, but I have had to reflect and mature the past month about what I am willing to share and with whom. I am grateful for my experiences for they have molded me into who I am. For now, I remain under construction.

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  • http://prconnections.net Mihaela (Dr. V)

    Take your time adjusting to your new life, new blog, new job, new town, new… OK, it stresses me out just to list all of them! For us, it was just new house and new job, and I LOVE them both, yet I feel the stress in my body!
    Love, M

  • http://nextcommunications.blogspot.com Richie Escovedo

    Lauren – thanks for once again showing that is is ok (and quite frankly preferred) to be human with real emotions, passions, and distractions. As you know I have come to appreciate your writings, thoughts, and tutelage. Congratulations on the many life changes and hope this adjustment period is a one of growth, love, and learning. I look forward to seeing what is next for you to share and with this blog.

  • Andrea Jacques

    Change can be a scary word to accept, as we are creatures of repetition; we do not welcome the idea of change because we reject what we don’t understand. People reject what they fear and the concept of change forces one to think of a plethora of negative possibilities. Even though you are altering many aspects of your life, remember that you are making these decisions for a reason and most of the time; a change is in your best interest.
    Change will open your eyes to a surplus of possibilities; it allows you to see things that you would have never even considered prior to making the plunge. Just keep in mind, the key to a successful change is to let go of the fear.
    Social media is a fantastic tool to discuss your trials and tribulations; however, if you feel that the “pariah’s” as you stated, will “tweet about your failures”, use a pseudo name. This way you will be able to voice whatever it is that needs to be addressed without being criticised or dealing with back lash.
    Remember that you love what you do Lauren; not very many people can say that about his/her job and you are definitely one of the lucky ones. Life is a journey and changing various pieces of your life can definitely be a lot to handle at times, but remind yourself of the big picture and that everything happens for a reason. Reflection is a blessing, it allows you to take a step back and acknowledge issues that you may have once been blinded by.
    To end my comment, I figured it would be suiting to end with a quote that I find very inspirational and will hopefully help you on your journey through change:
    “Sometimes it’s the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.” – Keri Russell