So, I have to be honest. I was dreading this day. As a kid (including time in my early 20’s), turning 30 meant being on the edge of ancient.
I am at the edge and I don’t feel ancient.
I feel a little wobbly on the edge of a precipice.
How do I get across?
Over the course of the past decade, I have jam packed a lot of life experience (drama most definitely included). I wanted to accomplish as much as I could in my early years to rise above the rest. I wanted desperately to distinguish myself from others before, I felt, it was too late and my light dimmed. Never shying away from goals, I pushed beyond my limits…always seeking to out due myself…and deserving of rewards.
Now, I know I have ranted about the despicable uprising of narcissism I have noticed in those younger, but I can’t deny, that I too thought I could conquer the world at a very young age…and I still have my moments when I think I just might do so. However, I did not feel entitled for the sake of being so or thought people should be blessed to be in my very presence. No, I worked hard…and the more people told me I couldn’t have what I wanted, the harder I fought for it. I deserved the promotion…I deserved a bonus…I deserved.
Those were my claims. People owed me.
Since my 29th birthday, I have felt a little lost. What can I accomplish now? How can I rise above those newer and shinier than me? Then it hit me. I have fought so hard to achieve, not for me, but for the sake of others. Now, I have to take what I have learned and find my way across the precipice. Because this time, what I do, is for me. I have to earn my way across. I have to build the bridge with my two hands and the relationships I forge. I cannot let my focus or honesty falter. The rewards, what I will now earn, I will discover along the way. People do not owe me. I owe me.